Posts Tagged ‘local flavor’

31st August
written by JAK

Once again my fellow Minnesotans did not disappoint in their creative and artistic endeavors. Saw lots of great stuff. These are just a few (chosen mainly for their humor).

In the Fine Arts Building: “Rama Llama Ding Dong”

In the Creative Activities Building

In the Creative Activities Building: The Hula Hamster Band with guest DJ M.C. Hamster

In the Horticulture/Agriculture Building: a tree house carved from beeswax

In the Horticulture/Agriculture Building: a tree house carved from beeswax

Seed Art: Diarama

Seed art diarama

...and a closeup

…and a closeup

More seed art...

More seed art…

...and another closeup

…and another closeup

Awesome entry in the scarecrow contest!

Awesome entry in the scarecrow contest!

Fun was had, mini donuts and fried cheese curds were eaten, and I’m plum worn out.  Can’t wait to do it again next year!


27th December
written by JAK
Christmas 2011

Christmas Day 2011: Uncle Dick, me, and Michelle

Christmas 2010

Christmas Day 2010: me and Michelle...brrrrr!

30th December
written by JAK

Actually it is RAINING here right now!  Might be enough to melt a few inches of the white stuff! (Just hoping it won’t freeze on the pavement!)

Below is an oldie, but goodie. I don’t know the name of the author.

December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor Bob tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska , after all.

December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm… Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20:
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. God damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel And then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23:
Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she…nuts??? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she’s damn well lying.

December 24:
6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and
open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !%&#$* slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother . 9″ predicted.

December 31:
Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

27th August
written by JAK

Heard the fireworks last night and realized I have already missed one day!

31st March
written by JAK

Well, we’ve done it! We’ve gotten through the whole month of March without any snow. Yee-haw!

This is a rare feat. The last time the Twin Cities had a snowless March was 1878.

Most of the month has been unseasonably warm. Gayle and I took our walk to the “Cinco de Mayo” tree a good month earlier this year.  Granted, there are no leaves or even buds yet, but still, we weren’t wearing parkas.

March 21, 2010

And we’ve ended the month in style with a 70+ degree day.

Now we just have to hope for a snowless April, too!

17th March
written by JAK

Loving this! For sale at Plushroom Soup‘s etsy site.

Her critters are also available locally at Crafty Planet and I Like You. There were 2 yetis—both with blueish tinged fur—in the front window at Crafty Plant on Wednesday.

16th January
written by JAK

It’s balmy in Lake Wobegon.

I can hear the neighbor boys playing hockey in the backyard rink they poured in December. (It sits behind the inground pool and where the trampoline, hammock and volleyball/badminton net is in the summer–it’s a kiddie paradise!)
backyard hockey rink

Not me, but same kind of sled

I remember being little and one of the neighbors poured a luge run in his backyard. It was sized for the red plastic toboggans everyone had. The run didn’t require steering or braking (which is good, since that’s impossible with those cheapy sleds) but still had two or three curves where you ended up riding kind of sideways. Very cool.

I try to appreciate these things about Minnesota when my feet are cold and I’m tired of snow.

9th January
written by JAK

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying…”Cold ’nuff fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.

—Author Unknown

8th January
written by JAK

It’s winter in Minnesota
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love Minnesota
When the snow’s up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I’ll hang around
I could never leave Minnesota
I’m frozen to the ground!

—Author Unknown

Thanks to Jennie for the tip!

5th November
written by JAK

To cap off the election, some gems from Overheard in Minneapolis

70-year-old guy in voting line: I’ll be so damn happy to be able to watch television without all those ads.

30-something: (nods)

70-year-old guy: Isn’t it driving you crazy?

30-something: Actually we just do Netflix and don’t watch any TV at all.

70-year-old: WHAT! How do you know who to vote for then?

30-something: Um, public radio & reading?

70-year-old: Hmph, I don’t know about that.

—Minneapolis, polling place

Female voter to friend: I don’t remember the exact number, but either 200 million or billion people are going to vote today.

—U of MN

Really overly excited ditzy blonde college girl to friend voting for Obama: You can’t, like, vote for Obama! He is, like, a Muslim and doesn’t, like, support our troops.

—St Paul, Bethel University

Little girl, maybe six yrs old: I voted two times today already.

Old lady working the polling place (in a strict tone): You can only vote once or you go to jail.

—St. Paul, Polls

Coworker #1: I hate how our generation feels that nothing is ever our fault. People really need to start taking responsibilities for their decisions!

Coworker #2: *completely serious* Dude, I totally agree. It’s terrible. But you know, our parents are the ones who taught us to feel entitled. It’s really their fault.

—Saint Paul, Downtown